1
00:00:03,269 --> 00:00:04,437
Oh! Good morning, Dr. Baird.

2
00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:06,773
Good morning,
Regular Person Lemon.

3
00:00:06,773 --> 00:00:08,742
Oh, hey, are you
around this weekend?

4
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:10,477
Um... maybe we could have
that date we talked...

5
00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:11,544
Yes.

6
00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:12,875
Okay.

7
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,949
Uh... how about Friday?

8
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:18,451
Oh, no. Friday, I have a stupid... show.

9
00:00:18,451 --> 00:00:19,953
How about Saturday?

10
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:23,556
Saturday, um... okay. I guess
that doesn't have to be weird.

11
00:00:23,556 --> 00:00:25,091
Okay, then.

12
00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:27,127
Okay...

13
00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:28,661
Valentine's Day it is.

14
00:00:28,661 --> 00:00:33,299
Saturday is Valentine's Day? Norts!

15
00:00:33,299 --> 00:00:35,468
You sound so sexy when you say that.

16
00:00:35,468 --> 00:00:36,936
Say it again.

17
00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:40,573
Your mother has
gone back to...

18
00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:44,110
Florida.

19
00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:47,447
These McFlurries are amazing.

20
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:51,017
I know-- the soft swirl of
vanilla and the hard crunch

21
00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:53,019
of candy and cookies.

22
00:00:53,019 --> 00:00:55,622
You'd think they'd fight each other, but no.

23
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:57,791
Together, they are perfecto.

24
00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,292
Some would say that describes us.

25
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:00,960
Who would say such a crazy thing?

26
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,429
We are us.

27
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:06,800
the world's greatest dessert.

28
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,602
Actually, the world's greatest
dessert is served

29
00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:12,806
in a restaurant right here in
New York called Plunder.

30
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,174
It costs $1,000.

31
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,610
Lucky for you, your boyfriend
got reservations

32
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:19,112
for Valentine's Day.

33
00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:21,681
But I have to go to church.

34
00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:23,383
On Valentine's Day? Is that a thing?

35
00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:26,853
It is the feast of the martyrdom
of St. Valentine.

36
00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:28,221
Please, Jack.

37
00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:30,323
Don't tell me you're one of
those convenient Catholics

38
00:01:30,323 --> 00:01:32,225
that only goes to church every Sunday.

39
00:01:32,225 --> 00:01:34,557
Oh...

40
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:38,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

41
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,716
Oh, Kenneth, hey.

42
00:01:56,716 --> 00:01:59,152
You know how the company makes
an effort to hire the disabled?

43
00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:00,954
Do I? I wouldn't have this job

44
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,589
if it weren't for the mouth on my back.

45
00:02:02,589 --> 00:02:04,591
Yeah, I'm supposed to supervise
some blind chick

46
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:05,892
they hired to edit the reruns.

47
00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:07,594
But three of the dancers just found out

48
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:10,119
they're all dating the same guy,
so I'm going to go watch that.

49
00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:12,732
So, if you see a blind chick,
I don't know, um...

50
00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:14,033
give her one of your boring tours.

51
00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:15,435
Yes, sir.

52
00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:17,170
Yes, sir.

53
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:18,967
I'm just
funning, it's all sewed up.

54
00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:25,111
I'll help you, Miss.

55
00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:26,442
Oh, thank you so much.

56
00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:29,849
All my friends warned me about the big city.

57
00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:30,950
But, look.

58
00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:32,542
Right away, I meet a gentleman.

59
00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:39,190
Is everything okay? Because now,
I smell burnt plastic.

60
00:02:43,863 --> 00:02:45,431
Hello?

61
00:02:45,431 --> 00:02:48,234
Are you there?

62
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:49,936
Hello?

63
00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:52,872
I can't make this guy go on
a first date on Valentine's.

64
00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:54,641
Why are you so nervous about this?

65
00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,676
Because it's a delicate situation, Jack.

66
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,811
There is handsomeness involved.

67
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:00,369
How much?

68
00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:03,983
Oh, come on, Lemon.

69
00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:05,285
What is this, a green card thing?

70
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:05,818
No.

71
00:03:05,818 --> 00:03:06,286
Closet case?

72
00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:06,886
Don't think so.

73
00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:07,387
Slut buster?

74
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:08,121
No, not a ball player.

75
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:09,322
Bundy-esque serial killer?

76
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:10,880
That was my first thought. But, no.

77
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,989
This is actually happening and I'm blowing it.

78
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,996
Who pushes for a first date on Valentine's Day?

79
00:03:16,996 --> 00:03:19,933
Lemon, here's how you correct this misstep.

80
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:23,203
Instead of going to a restaurant
where it will be nothing but

81
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,905
people in love and rings hidden in pastries...

82
00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:26,573
Ugh.

83
00:03:26,573 --> 00:03:27,807
Cook him a nice meal at home.

84
00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:29,609
Nice? You mean, like, stew?

85
00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:31,277
I certainly do not mean stew.

86
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:33,079
I mean, try to forget it's Valentine's Day.

87
00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:34,914
I'm going to. I'll be in church.

88
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:35,949
What? Why?

89
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:37,617
Elisa is deeply religious.

90
00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:39,652
If I had those knockers, I'd be thanking God, too.

91
00:03:39,652 --> 00:03:42,055
All I want for Valentine's Day is to go to Plunder

92
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,923
and eat the Lovers' Delight.

93
00:03:43,923 --> 00:03:45,158
That sounds filthy, Jack.

94
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:49,128
It is. Imagine a dessert for two:

95
00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:51,831
Tahitian vanilla bean ice cream in a pool of cognac

96
00:03:51,831 --> 00:03:54,767
drizzled in the world's most expensive chocolate--

97
00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,302
Amedei Porceleana--

98
00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:59,205
covered with shaved white,
black and clear truffles

99
00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:03,142
and topped with edible 25-karat gold leaf.

100
00:04:03,142 --> 00:04:05,144
Can you imagine anything better?

101
00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:07,704
I don't know. Have you ever put
a donut in the microwave?

102
00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:12,151
Come on, church won't be so bad.
Aren't you Catholic?

103
00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:13,720
I was Catholic.

104
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,190
But I haven't set foot inside a
church since I was 13 years old.

105
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:18,858
So, listen, so you go sit
through a night of church

106
00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:21,561
and then you go to Plunder.
Elisa's worth it.

107
00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:23,129
You're right. Elisa is worth it.

108
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:24,960
And I can fake enthusiasm when I need to.

109
00:04:25,898 --> 00:04:27,333
Hey, that scarf is fun!

110
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:30,598
Thanks. I found it at Dunkin... wait a minute.

111
00:04:36,976 --> 00:04:38,773
NBC? Blah, blah, blah. Thank you.

112
00:04:40,713 --> 00:04:44,617
Ken, you need to snap out of it
and ask out that sexy Ms. Magoo.

113
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:46,719
I have no idea what you're talking about.

114
00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:48,755
I know love at first sight when I see it.

115
00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:51,124
I saw it when I met Angie.

116
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:55,261
I saw it the first time Dotcom
laid eyes on Grizz's fiancee.

117
00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:57,597
Okay, there is something
about Jennifer that just

118
00:04:57,597 --> 00:05:00,088
makes me all carsick inside.

119
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,536
Now is the time for gallantry.

120
00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:17,950
Oh! It's you again.

121
00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:19,611
I can tell.

122
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,957
Well, cotton and fiddles.

123
00:05:24,957 --> 00:05:26,726
I enjoy your smile.

124
00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:27,658
Oh, my.

125
00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:29,896
I'm Jennifer Rogers.

126
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:32,231
You may call me
Kenneth the page

127
00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:35,068
because that is
who I am.

128
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,036
Would you like to go out
with me tomorrow night?

129
00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:39,072
Yes, indeedy corncobs?

130
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,707
Well, I'm going to say yes

131
00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:41,774
because this just

132
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:45,445
feels right and my instincts
have never let me down...

133
00:05:45,445 --> 00:05:47,380
except for looking at that eclipse.

134
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:49,882
It's a Valentine's date-li-doo!

135
00:05:56,789 --> 00:05:59,058
That was really good stew.

136
00:05:59,058 --> 00:05:59,892
Thank you.

137
00:05:59,892 --> 00:06:02,662
It's my own recipe where I use
cheddar cheese instead of water.

138
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:04,797
You know, I'm glad we stayed in tonight.

139
00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:06,332
It's good to take things slow.

140
00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:08,368
Well, please know that when
I invited you over

141
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,269
I didn't realize it was Valentine's Day.

142
00:06:10,269 --> 00:06:12,705
Yeah, you still have that
rotting jack-o-lantern in the hallway,

143
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:15,007
so I feel like you don't have
a great sense of what month it is.

144
00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:17,210
Well, it's just gotten
so small that I kind of

145
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,370
want to see if it disappears.

146
00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:23,116
So, uh, first date stuff...
where are you from?

147
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,685
Well, there's a really interesting
answer to that question.

148
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:28,087
Actually, I was born

149
00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:30,456
on the border of Maryland and Pennsylvania.

150
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:32,425
Okay, I feel like I should do the right thing here

151
00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:34,694
and tell you that your breast
has fallen out of your blouse

152
00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:36,796
and I can see all of it.

153
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:39,732
Okay. Well, I guess we just...

154
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:42,001
jumped ahead to date four.

155
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,636
It's not the good one, either.

156
00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:56,082
Jack Donaghy's office.

157
00:06:56,082 --> 00:07:00,219
Jonathan... our Jonathan,
who art in the office

158
00:07:00,219 --> 00:07:02,655
hallowed be my reservation.

159
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:03,823
If you are able...

160
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:05,024
hold my table

161
00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:06,859
at Plunder

162
00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:08,561
as we will not be there by seven.

163
00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:11,164
Have them delay our heavenly dessert

164
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:14,967
and forgive us our lateness,
as we forgive those

165
00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:17,370
who cause lateness against us.

166
00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:23,376
Well, thank you for explaining that.

167
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:25,645
I always wanted to know how
a universal remote works.

168
00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:28,981
Well, that's how it does.

169
00:07:31,150 --> 00:07:33,586
Would you excuse me just one second?

170
00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:35,221
I'll be right back.

171
00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:44,330
Oh, cheese stew. What was I thinking?

172
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:48,601
I think your brownies are burning.

173
00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:50,236
You want me to take them out?

174
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:52,238
Oh, yes, please,
um, but whatever you do

175
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,240
don't open that kitchen window.

176
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,375
No!

177
00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:57,569
Oh! Too soon!

178
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:03,249
The draft made the door fly open!

179
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:04,417
I know. It's not a big deal.

180
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:07,887
So, we skipped from date four to date... 20.

181
00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:10,556
No, date never! I would never let that happen.

182
00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:13,192
Liz, it's okay. I'm a doctor.
I've seen much worse.

183
00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:13,826
Really?

184
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,328
I'm just kidding. That was pretty bad.

185
00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:17,964
Hold on, hold on.

186
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:20,266
I'm sorry. I have to get this.

187
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:21,334
Hello? Mandy...

188
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,936
Yeah-- no, I'm downstairs in 3B. Why?

189
00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:26,873
No, Mandy. You can't just drop
her off without calling.

190
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:29,542
Mandy? Is that, like, a guy
friend, like Mandy Patinkin?

191
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:30,643
No, I can't...

192
00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:32,278
because I am on a date right now.

193
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:33,346
No, Mandy...

194
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,047
don't hang up.

195
00:08:35,047 --> 00:08:36,449
Sorry.

196
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:37,783
That was my ex-wife.

197
00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:39,752
My daughter, Bethany, is on her way up.

198
00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:40,786
You have a daughter.

199
00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:42,588
You will see her. You will say she's cute.

200
00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:45,819
But let me just say that she is... complicated.

201
00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:48,995
My mother usually watches her when I can't

202
00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:51,197
but my mother has been in
the hospital recently

203
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,566
and she's not doing very well
and that has been...

204
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:54,692
hard for me to handle.

205
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:57,870
I'm sorry that all this keeps falling apart.

206
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:01,140
I was really looking forward to tonight.

207
00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:02,575
Well, we could try again some other time.

208
00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:03,976
Or...

209
00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:05,077
I'm listening.

210
00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:07,547
Maybe tonight is a gift.

211
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:11,217
Maybe we embrace the... toilet
thing and the bra incident

212
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,219
and my ex-wife and my daughter

213
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,754
and we just get it all out in one night.

214
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:16,556
And if, by the end of it,
we still like each other

215
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,090
then maybe it's the real thing.

216
00:09:19,525 --> 00:09:22,128
All right, that would be Bethany.

217
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:24,664
Um... this is it.

218
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:26,399
The express train is leaving the station.

219
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,567
I'm on the train.

220
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,660
Okay.

221
00:09:32,805 --> 00:09:34,307
Mom's keying your car.

222
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,308
Bethany, this is Liz.

223
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:36,676
Hi. It's so...

224
00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:38,277
Why does it smell in here?

225
00:09:38,277 --> 00:09:40,245
- I got sick.
- Beef stew.

226
00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:43,849
Okay, be nice. I will be right
back after I go talk to your mother.

227
00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:44,984
And give me your purse.

228
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:46,352
Why don't you ever trust me?

229
00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:48,582
Because, honey, you keep
setting fire to things.

230
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,427
And now, a prayer

231
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,596
for the pregnant members
of our congregation:

232
00:09:56,596 --> 00:10:03,970
Anita Alvarez, Anna Alvarez,
Annabelle Alvarez...

233
00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:05,771
Honey, this is a Catholic church.

234
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,306
We'll be here until morning.

235
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:09,442
All right, you've been good.

236
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,210
Let's go.

237
00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:13,946
We just have to go to confession
before we leave.

238
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,982
Priest:... Benita Alvaros.

239
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,319
Okay, here's how
this is going to go.

240
00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:22,655
We're going to sit here in
silence for about three minutes.

241
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:25,958
Then, I'm going to take
my girlfriend to Plunder

242
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:28,961
where the Pope himself could not get a table.

243
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,796
You sound troubled, my son.

244
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:31,731
Can it, Father.

245
00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:33,132
That was a nice try, though.

246
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,900
That limo ride was weird.

247
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:37,503
I felt like we just circled
the block 50 times.

248
00:10:37,503 --> 00:10:39,105
That's how you get

249
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:41,540
to Manhattan's fanciest restaurant.

250
00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:45,378
Ah, Monsieur Parcell.
Votre table est prit.

251
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:47,947
I didn't know it was
a French restaurant.

252
00:10:47,947 --> 00:10:50,483
Yes, I found it on
my favorite website

253
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,918
StopShowingOff.com.

254
00:10:53,686 --> 00:10:56,416
It's busy tonight.

255
00:10:57,523 --> 00:11:00,026
This is the best
darn-tootingest restaurant

256
00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:01,827
in all of New York.

257
00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:04,797
This is the best night ever.
Thank you, Kenneth.

258
00:11:04,797 --> 00:11:06,594
You're one in a million.

259
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:10,336
Man, can you believe we're
working on Valentine's night?

260
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,338
My fiancee is gonna be upset.

261
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:15,274
Not to worry, I sent her flowers
and a beautiful card.

262
00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:17,139
You're the best.

263
00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:20,112
Don't you have faith?

264
00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:22,615
I have faith... in things I can see

265
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:26,419
and buy and deregulate.
Capitalism is my religion.

266
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,287
You want to have an intellectual
argument? Fine.

267
00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:29,722
But I should warn you I went to Princeton.

268
00:11:29,722 --> 00:11:31,424
I went to Harvard Divinity School.

269
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:34,794
You Crimson guys never
miss a chance, do you?

270
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:35,995
You want a confession?

271
00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:37,596
Let's get this done so I can go eat.

272
00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:38,964
I am divorced.

273
00:11:38,964 --> 00:11:42,134
I take the Lord's name in vain
often and with great relish.

274
00:11:42,134 --> 00:11:44,370
I hit my mother with a car...

275
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:47,039
possibly by accident.

276
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:49,775
I almost let him choke to death
right there on the football field.

277
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:51,110
I looked the other way

278
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:54,780
when my wig-based parent company
turned a bunch of children orange.

279
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:58,238
I once claimed I am God
during a deposition.

280
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:03,622
And... I may have sodomized
our former Vice President

281
00:12:03,622 --> 00:12:04,990
while under the influence of

282
00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:06,892
some weapons-grade narcotics.

283
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:11,063
It feels good to say
that out loud, actually.

284
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,398
That one was weighing on me.

285
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:16,402
Wow, I... I...
I don't know what to say.

286
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:17,870
I don't want you to say anything.

287
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:19,004
I already made that clear.

288
00:12:19,004 --> 00:12:21,607
Then what brought you here tonight?

289
00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:24,610
What brought me here?
What brings anyone anywhere?

290
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:26,712
Why do men build bridges?
Why are there jets?

291
00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:28,681
I was hoping to have sex tonight.

292
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:31,617
Have you ever made love
to a woman, Father?

293
00:12:31,617 --> 00:12:33,018
Come on, man.

294
00:12:33,018 --> 00:12:35,287
Imagine cradling your face into

295
00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:38,357
the curve of a velvety-soft neck

296
00:12:38,357 --> 00:12:42,628
your hands cupping the warm heft
of the greatest pair of...

297
00:12:42,628 --> 00:12:46,899
I need backup! Harvard did not
prepare me for this.

298
00:12:46,899 --> 00:12:48,300
Father?

299
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:57,476
I like your bracelets.

300
00:12:57,476 --> 00:13:00,379
Girls in my school get them for
doing different things on the bus.

301
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:01,539
Blue is for showing your boobs.

302
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:04,450
Purple is for doing stuff over your clothes.

303
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:05,785
Black is for doing stuff...

304
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,586
Okay, uh... your mom left.

305
00:13:07,586 --> 00:13:09,688
How are you two getting along?

306
00:13:09,688 --> 00:13:11,656
She had some more stew
while you were outside.

307
00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:18,364
Whoa. Wow, Liz, did you
kill the whole bottle?

308
00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:20,299
What?

309
00:13:22,401 --> 00:13:24,870
Uh... sorry. Hello?

310
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,205
Yes, Gloria.

311
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:27,673
Why are you crying?

312
00:13:27,673 --> 00:13:29,575
Gloria? How many ex-wives does he have?

313
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:30,609
That's my aunt.

314
00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:32,378
She is not going to like you.

315
00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:33,412
No, of course.

316
00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:34,580
I'll be there as soon as I can.

317
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:36,315
Yeah, good-bye.

318
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,417
Mom has taken a turn.

319
00:13:38,417 --> 00:13:39,919
Oh, I'm so sorry.

320
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,153
Look, I know I said that we would take this

321
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:42,922
in fast motion tonight, but...

322
00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:43,923
No. No, I know.

323
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:45,624
I really am glad we did

324
00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:46,992
because I don't think I can
handle this by myself.

325
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:49,756
Oh. Okay.

326
00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:52,698
What?

327
00:13:52,698 --> 00:13:53,824
Liz knew.

328
00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:57,603
Entertainment?

329
00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:59,738
Not just any entertainment

330
00:13:59,738 --> 00:14:01,501
the best singer in the world...

331
00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:03,676
Michael McDonald.

332
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:19,792
Wow, he does not sound good live.

333
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:22,352


334
00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:33,806
Oh, okay, in English, in English.

335
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:37,276
You tortured that poor priest.
Let me ask you something.

336
00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:39,411
Do you even believe in the teachings of

337
00:14:39,411 --> 00:14:40,446
the Catholic Church?

338
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:41,981
No.

339
00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:44,416
But I saw your photo
with the Pope.

340
00:14:44,416 --> 00:14:45,818
That's just good business.

341
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:47,286
I have photos with a lot of people--

342
00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:48,988
The Dalai Lama, Rabbi Yossef,
Toby Keith...

343
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:52,658
I see. You have no faith, only business.

344
00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:54,260
You know what
your problem is, Jack?

345
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,996
You intellectualize everything
with your big head.

346
00:14:56,996 --> 00:14:58,130
Well, you have big boobs.

347
00:14:58,130 --> 00:14:59,798
Which you will never touch again!

348
00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:02,401
This conversation has taken
an unfortunate turn.

349
00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:05,271
Maybe this is God trying to tell
me that we do not belong together.

350
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:07,006
Maybe this is a sign.

351
00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:10,009
Look, my driver just pulled up.
That's a sign.

352
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:11,911
God wants us to leave here,
get a good meal

353
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,674
and go to town on each other.

354
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:18,851
How dare you say something like that
so close to the statue of Santa Lucia...

355
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:21,453
the patron saint of judgmental statues.

356
00:15:21,453 --> 00:15:24,356
Go to your stupid restaurant.

357
00:15:24,356 --> 00:15:25,724
Eat your gold ice cream.

358
00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:26,625
Please come with me.

359
00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:28,694
No. You blew it, Jack.

360
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:30,095
And now, you will never see

361
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,222
the crazy underwears I have on.

362
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,136
Elisa!

363
00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:40,765
What kind of God would let that happen?

364
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:49,114
Oh, Drew, finally. Who is this?

365
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:49,915
This is Liz.

366
00:15:49,915 --> 00:15:50,916
This is our first date.

367
00:15:50,916 --> 00:15:52,117
On Valentine's Day?

368
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,887
he saw me on the toilet...

369
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:56,288
Liz.

370
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:59,416
Oh, Dr. Baird, your mother's
asked to speak to you privately.

371
00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:18,210
I'm sorry... is this, like,
a "Sixth Sense" thing?

372
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:19,871
Should I bring a place
setting for your friend?

373
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:35,961
Mom?

374
00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:37,096
Who is that?

375
00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:38,097
That's my friend, Liz.

376
00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:40,099
Hi, Mrs. Baird.

377
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:42,634
It's too soon, Andrew.

378
00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:45,104
I know, we tried to take it slow.

379
00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:47,840
Life... I have more I want to do.

380
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,842
Oh, right, you. Of course.

381
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,211
I'm going to go grab her chart.
I'll be right back.

382
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:53,576
Um...

383
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,215
Mandy?

384
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:58,584
You look terrible.

385
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,719
Oh, no, I'm not Mandy.
I'm Liz.

386
00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:04,690
Mandy, you have to tell
Drew something for me.

387
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:10,062
The woman he thinks is his
sister is really his mother.

388
00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:10,896
What?

389
00:17:10,896 --> 00:17:12,761
I'm his grandmother.

390
00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:18,570
You have to tell him or
I won't get into Heaven.

391
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:27,346
Thank you for a truly unbelievable evening.

392
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:30,182
It doesn't have to
end here, y'allsies.

393
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,253
Wait, this isn't right.

394
00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:36,989
Kenneth, why do you
suddenly sound white?

395
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,024
I lied to you, Jennifer.

396
00:17:39,024 --> 00:17:40,225
I was too scared to talk to you

397
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:42,394
so my sophisticated
friend, Tracy

398
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:46,031
said the things that I couldn't.
I'm very, very sorry.

399
00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:49,101
Well, if you could have talked
to me, what would you have said?

400
00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:51,770
That you're the sweetest...

401
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:53,906
prettiest, blindest girl
I've ever met.

402
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:57,176
And when I'm with you, my heart
jumps like a frog

403
00:17:57,176 --> 00:17:59,912
on July asphalt right before it dies.

404
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:05,350
You're so beautiful on
the inside, Kenneth Parcell.

405
00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:07,219
Can I feel your face?

406
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:08,345
Yeah.

407
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,522
Oh...

408
00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:32,377
Oh, look at the time.
I forgot I have a... a thing.

409
00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:35,047
That is cold, blind lady!

410
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,281
Oh, and by the way...

411
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:38,417
you are not so attractive, yourself.

412
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:40,619
No, I'm... I'm pretty sure I'm hot.

413
00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:43,383
Yes, you are. I tried.

414
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,080
I'm so sorry.

415
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,877
Listen, thank you so much for
being so great during all this.

416
00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:12,651
Let's do this again sometime...

417
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,319
except have it not be anything
like this at all.

418
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:17,289
Good night.

419
00:19:17,289 --> 00:19:18,688
Good night.

420
00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:25,330
Uh... Liz?

421
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,199
You know, my mom did just die.

422
00:19:27,199 --> 00:19:29,301
Funny story.

423
00:19:29,301 --> 00:19:31,370
Hear me out.

424
00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:33,939
I'll have a, uh...

425
00:19:33,939 --> 00:19:35,873
...a McFlurry, please.

426
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:40,879
And I have a coupon.
You know where I found it?

427
00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:43,982
In the collection plate. It was a sign.

428
00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:45,350
I followed it

429
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,953
and it brought us back together.
Now do you believe?

430
00:19:47,953 --> 00:19:48,885
I believe.

431
00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:52,824
I believe that we were reunited
by the most successful

432
00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:55,227
capitalist enterprise
of the last hundred years

433
00:19:55,227 --> 00:19:58,197
despite the McLean Deluxe
or the McEmu.

434
00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,464
Whatever.

435
00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:02,134
Someone's trying to tell us
that we belong together.

436
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:03,235
Maybe it's God.

437
00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:04,536
Maybe it's Ray Kroc.

438
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,094
Maybe it's the Hamburgler.

439
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,842
Happy Valentine's Day, querida.

440
00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:13,436
Happy St. Valentine's Day, mi amor.

441
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:31,163
Boy, I hope that guy's not
planning to kill and eat her.

442
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:34,530
Jack, you're such
a romantic.

443
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,077
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444
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